Today we’d like to introduce you to Katie Amber.
Katie, we appreciate you taking the time to share your story with us today. Where does your story begin?
When I was seven years old, my brother and I were kidnapped by our father and hidden from our mother in a foreign country. I didn’t realize it at the time, but he was punishing her for remarrying after their divorce… a sadistic tactic of coercive control. Over several decades I experienced coercive control in other areas of my life: at work, at church, in groups and in intimate relationships. Coercive control is a form of terrorism, where the perpetrator directly or indirectly implements a strategy of coercive and controlling tactics intended to exploit, trap and dominate a victim. It can be very subtle and can even become deadly. Coercive control is strongly correlated with intimate partner violence, child abuse, human trafficking, cults, and terrorism, but it can occur almost anywhere. It is extremely harmful to the victim and can leave permanent scars, some visible and some invisible.
That was the case for me. I was badly harmed by coercive control, and I decided that I didn’t want anyone else to have to go through what I had been through. So, even though I had been running a successful photography business for more than 20 years here in Austin, I completely shifted career paths and started End Coercive Control USA (ECCUSA). In 2020 I enrolled in the Executive Leadership Program @ The University of Pennsylvania’s Ortner Center in Violence & Abuse Prevention. After completing their program, I started my Master’s Degree in the Psychology of Coercive Control at the University of Salford in Manchester, England. COVID made studying virtually abroad possible, and I will have my Master’s Degree completed by fall of 2022.
ECCUSA is now providing consulting, speaking, and training in the detection and prevention of coercive control. I presented at my first national conference in May 2021 @ The Conference on Crimes Against Women, and I have my first book on coercive control coming out in 2022. I also provided testimony for Jennifers’ Law, named after two victims allegedly killed by their coercive controllers. Connecticut’s coercive control bill, also called SB-1091, will become law with the governor’s signature very soon. Connecticut is the third US state to include coercive control in their domestic violence statutes. It is my personal and professional goal to see that happen in every single US state.
I’m sure you wouldn’t say it’s been obstacle free, but so far would you say the journey have been a fairly smooth road?
Surviving coercive control is challenging in any context, but it is especially difficult when your abuser is in your own home. Coercive control is so very subtle, and relationships are supposed to be based on love and trust. So when your spouse is lying, manipulating and sabotaging you, your mind doesn’t want to believe it is true. You make up excuses for them. You take the blame on yourself. Any explanation is better than the truth that the person you married is intentionally harming you for their own aggrandizement and pleasure.
That was the first hurdle I had to overcome to recognize the abuse as coercive control, the most dangerous type of abuse. The state of confusion, called cognitive dissonance, went on for years while my brain attempted to reconcile my spouse’s conflicting words and actions. Eventually, I could no longer ignore the incongruences. I was broke, sick, exhausted and suicidal. I developed complex post-traumatic stress, migraines and chronic back pain. And I had to escape, or it was going to kill me. Threats and violence escalated as I tried to escape the marriage, and it took me years before I was finally able to divorce him.
That’s when he escalated his abuse by proxy. He targeted my family, friends, colleagues and clients to punish me for leaving him. He lied to police, attorneys, judges, guardian ad litems, etc. to make me appear to be unstable and abusive. It was all a projection of his own coercive and controlling behaviors, which were obvious to me by now, but still invisible to everyone else. When I refused to let him move back into my home, he violently assaulted me, beating me about the face and head and asphyxiating me. This attack resulted in a protective order against him, but it was of little help. 21 protective order violations and a guilty jury conviction later, and he’s never served more than the original two days in jail following the assault.
Both criminal and family court were re-traumatizing as he manipulated professionals using the same tactics of coercive control. The cases have gone on for years. Our divorce was in 2015, but we still have a remaining criminal case pending for his violation of protective order and a custody case that can be re-opened at any time.
To overcome all of these ongoing obstacles, I have attended therapy and support groups, educated myself on coercive control, participated in several programs by experts in trauma and recovery from narcissistic abuse and coercive control, and I have committed my life to protecting others from this terroristic type of abuse.
Thanks – so what else should our readers know about End Coercive Control USA?
ECCUSA’s goal is to save 1 Million victims from coercive control by December 31st, 2025.
Our organization is dedicated to detecting and preventing coercive control in the United States. We make the invisible visible.
ECCUSA offers consulting, speaking and training to detect and prevent coercive control and domestic violence and abuse.
Is there any advice you’d like to share with our readers who might just be starting out?
As I mentioned, I have run a successful photography business for over 20 years. As far as ECCUSA is concerned though, I am just starting out… again. So, what I am glad I learned there that I can apply to my new venture is a long list. But here are a few of the most important.
1. Focus on listening and meeting needs: your clients, your employees and your own. You may have to sacrifice one for another at times, but do so as infrequently as you can.
2. Know your numbers. You need to understand income, expenses and cost of goods inside and out. It doesn’t matter if you are selling $1M/Year, if your expenses exceed that amount, your business is failing.
3. Do what you love. We spend much of our lives working. Make it mean something to you and to somebody else.
4. Keep toxic people out of your business. One bad apple really can ruin the whole bunch.
Pricing:
- Consulting: Starting @ $75/Hour
- Speaking: Starting @ $100/Hour
- Training: Starting @ $50/hour
- Book: $24.99
Contact Info:
- Email: kate@endccusa.com
- Website: www.endccusa.com
- Instagram: end_coercive_control_usa
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/End-Coercive-Control-USA-106113387591138
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/EndCCUSA
Image Credits
Photo by Exquisite Photo: https://www.exquisite.photo/
