We recently had the chance to connect with Julieq Burke and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Julieq, thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day to share your story, experiences and insights with our readers. Let’s jump right in with an interesting one: What do you think others are secretly struggling with—but never say?
What do I think others are secretly struggling with, but would never say….hmm. I both love this question and also feel like it’s a big question to ask, largely because I don’t want to make sweeping generalizations about people (especially when there are so many people I don’t know). Having said that, I do have an answer. I think people are struggling with leaning into kindness. I recently finished Jacinda Ardern’s memoir “A Different Kind of Power” and in it, she shared the following words: “Kindness: It is a child’s word in a way. Simple. Some people thought kindness was sentimental, soft. A bit naive, even. I knew this. But I also knew they were wrong. Kindness has a power and strength that almost nothing else on this planet has. I’d seen kindness do extraordinary things: I’d seen it give people hope; I’d seen it change minds and transform lives”. I’m borrowing Ardern’s words to answer this question because kindness, in my opinion, is such an underrated and undervalued quality. We live in wildly divisive world; people are labeled as right or wrong or the bad guy or the try-too-harder or the idiot or this or that or the other. I want to acknowledge that I struggle with this, too. There are certain things I hear or read about and rather than being curious (okay…maybe curiosity is something people are secretly struggling with, too) and extending kindness to others, I jump to conclusions and assumptions (that often are not kind in nature). The more we continue to do this, the more that division is slowly (or quickly, even) fuels our inkling to not be kind (and then it becomes even harder to disentangle than it already is).
Am I kind 100% of the time? Absolutely not. Do I think people struggling with being kind is a call-out or expectation for people to be kind 100% of the time? Again…absolutely not. And, I think this is a deep rooted societal struggle in many, multi-layered ways.
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I am Julie Burke, owner + therapist of Violet Crown Therapy, a private practice in Austin, Texas. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor – Supervisor and work with clients as young as 12ish and (currently) as young as mid-50s-ish (although I’ve worked with people who were in their 80s as well). I specialize in working with people who are part of the LGBT!+ community and people who identify as queer in some capacity. While I mostly work with individual clients, I have experience working with couples, co-parents, and families (and love supporting people in many different capacities). In additional to client work, as a supervisor I am able to work with provisionally licensed clinicians while they work towards full licensure (in the state of Texas). I am able to work with people all over the state of Texas (virtually) or in-person (assuming people are located in Austin).
Years ago, a good friend said being a therapist is the weirdest, yet most wonderful job ever and it is absolutely true.
Appreciate your sharing that. Let’s talk about your life, growing up and some of topics and learnings around that. What relationship most shaped how you see yourself?
Shout. Out. To. My. Therapist.
I will say…if she knew she was getting credit for this, she would turn it back on me and say I’m the one who has done the work, but truly, I wouldn’t have been able to do it without her. Have you ever seen the video “Love Ballad to My Therapist” by Kristen Bell? It’s absurd. AND if you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend you check it out. While I don’t necessarily love my therapist the way Bell does in this video, I think there is definitely something to be said about it.
Anyway, I digress. When I was on a quest to find a therapist, I definitely therapist hopped for a little bit…which was interesting for me to do, also as a therapist. It made me think I was a bad client? In fact, in my inquiry to my current therapist (PS–I’ve been working with her for 8+ years), I told her that I had hopped from therapist to therapist and it made me feel like a bad client–and I wanted her to know that as a way to hold myself accountable in the therapeutic process. When she mentioned that (during our first session), she gently asked if I was, in fact, a bad client OR if the therapists I had been meeting with were actually not good fits? That was the first time she challenged me and over the 8+ years in our work together, she has undoubtedly challenged thoughts, beliefs, ideas of mine easily 1,000,000+ over (and will continue to do so…as she should).
My work with my therapist has been hard. It’s been beautiful. I’ve cried (and we’ve cried together). I’ve processed break-ups…one that was needed and hard and confusing and one that was unexpected and awful. We’ve talked about family (people I wanted to vent about…and also had to look at some of my favorite humans and recognize ways they’ve hurt me and have messed up). We’ve laughed together and have talked about vacations and sex and delicious foods and puzzles and plants and work and people (and literally anything & everything in-between).
Thanks to my therapist, I recognize that the most important relationship is with myself (also, shoutout to Carrie Bradshaw for her quote about that). While I first heard Carrie’s words years ago say that, it was my work with my therapist that helped me truly understand what that meant (and how to embody honoring the relationship with myself).
If you could say one kind thing to your younger self, what would it be?
I don’t know how exactly to put into words what I would say to my younger self…so, rather than trying to create a list of words or sentiments or sentences, I decided to write a little letter to my younger self.
Dear Younger Julie,
Your sensitivity is beautiful. Your ability to feel such big empathy is hard and scary a lot of times and also I promise it’s a beautiful thing about you. You feel things deeply and that’s hard to do (at best) in a family that doesn’t know what to do with feelings. Keep feeling deeply and let yourself feel whatever you need to feel.
Kids are jerks. This does not excuse or justify any unkind thing anyone has ever said to you (whether it was about your body or your interests or your curiosities). And the words they say don’t define you and never have. The whole “sticks & stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” saying is total & utter crap. Don’t believe that. Words do hurt. Words stick with you and you carry them with you. You are worth far more than anything people have said (or will continue to say) about you that is rude or unkind or just not warranted.
Guess what? You and Katherine actually will be best friends forever. She is married and has 3 kids now and y’all are more like sisters and soulmates than friends (people that meet y’all know it and feel it) and it’s a pretty incredible friendship that both of you have put a lot of intentionality into. You’re basically an aunt to her kids and they certainly see you as family.
You will love big. You will get hurt big. You will keep going and you’ll have a ton of incredible memories and stories to share.
You’ve got this,
37 Year Old Julie
I think our readers would appreciate hearing more about your values and what you think matters in life and career, etc. So our next question is along those lines. Whom do you admire for their character, not their power?
Jacinda Ardern! On Netflix, there is a series called “Live to Lead”–which is basically a series of episodes about different leaders in the world who have been committed to making a difference in the world around them and they share their stories. Some of my favorites (and most inspiring) from this series include: Bryan Stevenson, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and Gloria Steinem, however, I must say the most inspiring person that I learned about was Jacinda Ardern. Jacinda Ardern is the former Prime Minister of New Zealand and truly lives her life (and lead her life as Prime Minster) through a lens of love, empathy, and community.
Rather than share facts about Ardern and her life, my hope for you if that you find time to make space to watch her episode of Live to Lead. When I finished it, I felt enamored with her (not necessary her as a human, but her as a leader and someone who does life (personally & professionally) through a lens of love and empathy and compassion). I felt inspired and grateful to have learned about her. I also felt deep and immense grief at the current administration in the United States and how what I experience in the news and politically feels, in my opinion, so wildly different than anything that Ardern did during her time in office. It left me feeling a deep appreciation for her while also a longing and desire to have leaders in America operating under the same values and character (and not just doing it through their power).
Okay, so before we go, let’s tackle one more area. What will you regret not doing?
I am 37 years old. I grew up in Austin, Texas and have only ever lived in Austin, Texas. I went to undergrad & grad school here and currently live about 10 minutes away from the neighborhood I grew up in (despite having lived in various parts of the city throughout my life).
I LOVED my undergraduate & graduate school experiences and do not regret the choices I made in choosing to go to the school I did (shout out to St. Ed’s!). I made incredible friends, infinite memories, and there is something special and rare about being one of the few people left who grew up in Austin (while still being here).
Having said that…years ago a friend of mine made the decision to move to Oregon. She grew up in East Texas, we met in Austin, and then she said she realized that she felt like her life was missing something…she said she always felt a bit of envy for people who were able to move to completely new places & spaces. She talked about the vulnerability and bravery in doing that and that she wanted to be able to say that for herself, too. So, she did it.
Sometimes I wonder if I’ll regret not moving out of Austin. Could (or should) I have done it for undergrad? Could I have studied abroad and had experiences in a new country at the age of 19 or 20 and learned about a completely new city, culture, custom, etc.? (Yes..I could have). When applying to grad school, I applied to schools in Massachusetts (to be closer to family–and one of my favorite humans ever (my cousin)) and I think there’s a part of me that knew that regardless of the acceptance decision (I was accepted to a program there), that I wouldn’t actually go. Part of me wonders if I applied out of people-pleasing tendencies? Or perhaps I did want to go, I was just scared? I don’t actually know.
As I’m writing this, I’m thinking of Hallie Bateman’s art titled “It’s A Miracle We Ever Met”. If you don’t know it, I recommend you looking it up. It’s a simple (and powerful) illustration and makes me think of the wonderful humans I’ve met along the way (some I still know, some I don’t) and how the decisions I’ve made in life have allowed me to meet them. Having said that, if I chose to move out of Austin, there’s people I don’t even know who exist that I could have connected with.
Long story long: I think there are parts of me that feel like I missed out on potentially big life things by choosing to only stay put. Having said that, I think there are also parts of me that feel immense gratitude and appreciation for the decisions I’ve made.
Long story long 2.0: being a human is complicated, sometimes. And while it can feel confusing, it’s very normal to feel multiple things at once.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.violetcrowntherapy.com
- Instagram: @violetcrowntherapy
Image Credits
Annie Ray Photography
