Today we’d like to introduce you to Gemma Garcia.
Gemma, we appreciate you taking the time to share your story with us today. Where does your story begin?
Ooof! That is a loaded question! I guess I will start from the beginning and try to keep it brief. I was born in Monterrey, Mexico to native parents, also born in Monterrey. My parents split up for the better part of my childhood, so for the first decade of my life, it was my mom and myself against the world. Dad would send money and visit a few times a year, but that was the extent of his involvement at the beginning. Eventually, they got back together and mom got pregnant with my little brother and we all made the big move to the US. I spent my teenage years in Irving, TX as a rebellious teen stuck between her heritage and wanting to fit in. This identity crisis would only be exacerbated as the years went by when I found out I was an ‘illegal immigrant’ in the 10th grade. After everyone and their mom in my class finished driver’s ed and got their driver’s license, I just couldn’t, as I didn’t have a social security number. The hardest part about growing up undocumented, for me anyway, has always been the case of split identity; neither Mexican nor American, the country I grew to love doesn’t seem to want me, and the country who bore me doesn’t remember me. I am too brown for my peers, but too “güerita” for “la raza”. I don’t quite fit in on either side and it weighs on you sometimes, you know? To not know where you belong.
I was a troublemaker during my high school years, but a very quiet, introverted one at that. The only place you’d truly find me using my voice would be on stage in the theatre. I loved the theatre, still do, in fact. I grew up in it, a triple threat as they’d say. Although I wasn’t exactly popular, I was kind of the ‘it’ girl in theatre junior and senior year; your average ingenue! In high school, anyway. I went on to graduate from university with a Bachelor of Arts in Theatre Performance from the University of North Texas. I found out the hard way that my BA is basically worthless in the real world, but if we could turn back time, I’d do it again twice over. I graduated early to save the money, but damn, those three years were dope! I lived the best of both worlds; enjoyed my artistic theatre, dance, and film friends (the programs shared a building), and I was also part of a Panhellenic sorority (still am, in fact!). I worked a heavy part-time schedule at a bar in Dallas, TX, while also working with a few different theatre companies in the DFW. All while having a full course load (and then some, since I was aiming to graduate early), all while also being in a sorority. I worked myself down to the bone to be able to do it all, and it was totally worth it until there was a mild scandal at my sorority; long story short, the sisters found out that I was undocumented through one of my Facebook posts, and I got a ton of backlash from half the sorority. Nasty messages that not in a million years I thought I’d get from my own sisters. I know it was all out of ignorance and not malice or xenophobia (for the most part), but it only made me feel even more out of place than I already did at the time; just another place where I didn’t belong. I love my sorority and respect and cherish our values so much, but at that time I decided to resign my membership. Almost a decade later, and also because of social media (nationals found a post where I told my story and invited me to return) I was invited and able to return to the sisterhood as an alumni. Less drama, all the ‘doing good!’. Oh, yeah; I’m a Delta Gamma, by the way. ‘Dee Gee’ for short. In case you were wondering, haha.
Through my 20’s, I was fired from seven jobs and quit another four. What can I say? I just don’t do well with having a boss and people telling me what to do in general. In my early twenties and shortly after being fired from my 7th job, I went on a date that I can confidently say changed my life. This dude was a YouTuber for a living, and I asked him how it felt to be completely autonomous in your professional life and on top of that, doing something that he loved. We had only been on this one date, but it has been 5 hours long thus far, but he told me — “You need to figure out a way to work for yourself, to carve your own way. You are this kind of person. Figure it out.”
It didn’t work out between us, but I am more than glad we met. From then on, I have worked on scouring the deepest parts of my mind and soul to figure out what makes me jump out of bed in the morning. During this journey, I have done all kinds of odd jobs and gigs, taken courses and classes and lessons, and jumped in before I was ready. From Ubering and having the creepiest experiences with some weird people in my car to even moonlighting as a stripper to rake it in while enjoying learning what it is that I love. At 30, I have built and lost one business, a photography and video business. I was at that crucial point where I got comfortable and didn’t push to grow. It was early 2020 at the time, and I was trying to decide, do I nip this in the bud or do I take the plunge and start giving it 100% to grow? I had been having second thoughts lately on whether or not photo/video made me truly happy. I mean, I love both, but in my business, I wasn’t dealing with the kind of subjects I enjoyed, really. I was at a crossroads and didn’t know what to do, and then in came the pandemic with its quarantines to the “rescue” to make the choice for me; I worked primarily with food and beverage businesses so my clientele disappeared literally overnight as the world shut down indefinitely. And just like that, I was out of business. Tiny Shark Media was no more.
It was right before the pandemic as well that I was diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder. I started my medication journey with quarantine and it was honestly one of the worst, most uncomfortable and terrifying experiences of my life. I am so grateful to my partner at the time (we are no longer together) as he basically saved my life by being there and taking care of me through the toughest times I’ve lived through in my 30 years.
Having a bipolar diagnosis was terrifying at first. I felt sort of defeated like nothing would ever work out right for me anymore as I was broken and incapable of leading a normal life. Through months of trial and error, I finally found a psychiatrist and a medication cocktail that works for me, and as of today, I can say that I am functional about 90% of the time, which compared to pre-meds Gemma, is a huge upgrade. So through quarantine, I started sharing my story and progress with bipolar and medication on Instagram to anyone who would read. To my surprise, a lot of people were interested in hearing my story and sharing their own. We sort of formed a little community through which I was eager to talk to anyone who had questions about the experience or wanted to vent about their own; and lightbulb! I loved helping these people to the best of my ability. I loved supporting them even if it was just through a tiny screen. Why not do this for a living? So it was then that I decided to be a therapist.
I am currently in my second semester of grad school and let me tell ya, it is tough. I have a full-time job with an international pharmaceutical company that allows me to pay for school and take time off when my mental health takes a nosedive. Do I love it? No, definitely not, but the work is very interesting, and my team is fantastic. I will have worked for this company for two years on May 18th of this year, and it will officially be the longest I’ve worked for anyone business (except my own, which was alive and well for three years). I don’t plan on staying there forever, obviously, but as of right now, it’s a great stepping stone to my long-term goals. As for my future, I plan to graduate with my Master’s in Clinical Social Work and immediately pursue an LCSW and license to practice independently. The ten-year plan is to create a brand of group practices and eventually be able to give most, if possible, all of my practice time pro-bono for young women who cannot afford therapy. I am incredibly passionate about mental health, and I’m excited to further pursue this goal with everything I’ve got. There will be a couple of side projects along the way (like a book, or a product, perhaps ;] ), but being able to help people with their mental health is my passion, it’s what I was sent to earth to do. I will eventually go back to pursue my PsyD and become a licensed psychologist as well, but that’s further down the line. And if the universe lets me and the stars align, maybe even back to school and into med school to become a psychiatrist!
My life hasn’t been easy, I come from a very humble background. I didn’t grow up wealthy by any means, but I never wanted for anything. My parents taught me how to hold my own, work hard, and never give up. My mother taught me how to own my space, raise my voice, and never apologize for being a powerful f***ing woman. It’s been tough, but man… I am so grateful I’ve learned how to roll with the punches and stand back up every time.
There have been tons of lessons, and hard as some were, I’ve loved them all.
I can’t wait to see what my 30’s have in store!
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
Oh man…. Ummm… I would say the first struggle that has affected my life quite a bit is the absence of my father during my childhood. II can still remember very vividly when my dad left to come to the US. It was a Wednesday around 9 or 10 PM… a car full of men, all family I think, pulled up to our house. Mad dad hugged me and got in the car. I remember crying and asking him how come he had to go. Of course, he wouldn’t tell me the truth regarding the issues in the relationship with my mom or the financial situation we found ourselves in. Instead, he said to me “I am going to the United States so I can make money in English and take you to Disney World!” And of course, I believed him. That was enough for me. He eventually would come to keep that promise when in the year 2000, we finally visited my godparents in Tampa and went to Disney World. I never thought much of my father being gone while growing up until a few years into high school I thought “ok, but why does he just get to come back into my life and tell me what to do now? That’s some bullsh**!” I became very rebellious at that point, caused my parents quite a bit of trouble, and then some that I would eventually come clean about once I had moved out of the house, haha.
Finding out that I was undocumented was pretty difficult. Thinking back to the experience of first realizing my circumstances, I feel like I developed an even lower self-esteem as I felt ‘less than’ around my peers and even friends. To this day, I still battle impostor syndrome not only in my professional life but also in my personal life, as my life is still rather restricted due to my immigration status. Don’t get me wrong, I am aware that having been granted DACA status and receiving my work permit and license puts me leaps and bounds further than other people in similar situations who did not qualify. I am aware of this enormous privilege and I try to be grateful every single day. I have been granted and have access to the type of opportunities I would never have dreamed to even have had my family stayed in Mexico. That being said, sometimes it’s difficult for me to be around my friends and peers in the Austin professional community as it seems as if everyone is traveling all over the world every other week. I feel like I am missing out on these experiences that I have worked my a** off to be able to afford for myself, and yet, I can’t have them because of a stupid little paper. Literally. A stupid paper.
Looking at the big picture, though, these are fine examples of first world problems if I ever saw some. So I’m going to stop bitc*ing about this one.
I had a massive emotional setback during my last year of university. To make a very long story short, my mom was having issues at work and would sometimes come home in tears because she couldn’t stand working there any longer (it was that bad), but she couldn’t quit because she knew that as an undocumented woman with limited English, she would not find a better job anywhere. She refused to quit as she was helping me out with tuition, and if she didn’t have that job, that income, she would more than likely be unable to help any longer. Riddled in guilt, I spoke with my boyfriend at the time, and he agreed to marry me so we could get me a green card so I would be able to help my mother get out of there and my father find better opportunities as well. We were legally married on November 20th of 2012. The ‘marriage’ lasted about three months before I realized that I couldn’t go through with it. It all felt too real. No 20-year-old should have to bear the responsibility I had taken on willingly. I had no idea how serious this situation was before I dove in headfirst. I ended up breaking off the ‘marriage’ and canceling the paperwork with immigration. My parents were livid. My father screamed at me like I’d never heard him do so before, and my mother was openly weeping. All I could think of is “this is my fault”. My dad didn’t speak to me for weeks, and my mom was weird anytime we spoke for weeks. As if she almost didn’t want to talk to me either. As if they were angry with me, which in all honesty, I think they were and I can’t really blame them. I showed them a glimpse of light at the end of this infinite treacherous tunnel that is living as an undocumented immigrant in the US. And then, with a few short words, I took it away. I denied them the salvation they had been looking for for almost a decade by then. I fell into a pretty severe depression, still undiagnosed at that point. Within a few weeks, however, I realized that none of this was my fault. I never asked to be brought here. Why was it now all of a sudden my responsibility as an 11-year-old to save my family? How could they expect me to make these kinds of decisions? I became very angry at them at first but eventually recognized that I didn’t want to place blame on them either. My life has been and will be infinitely better by being in the US, with or without a green card, and that is just a fact. After that experience, I decided that whenever I do get married, I want it to be real and for the right reasons. Oh, side note, my ex-husband and I are actually great friends to this day, and we actually only finalized the divorce at the end of 2020. Our ‘marriage’ ended up actually lasting eight years! It’s sort of an inside joke for us now that I’ve processed the whole ordeal.
At 22 years old, I moved in with my partner at the time, sort of my college sweetheart. Two years into the relationship, we talked about getting married and we even picked a ring. We never became actually engaged, and I thank my lucky stars for that. This relationship was incredibly toxic and abusive emotionally, verbally, and even physically at times. Although I can’t prove it, I am almost 100% sure that my bipolar was triggered by the trauma I endured during this relationship, as it was then when my cycles (waves, I would call them back then) began manifesting and forming the tell tale patterns. To this day, I am still working through trauma from that relationship which ended six years ago. That sh*t cut deep.
Honestly, I could sit here and whine about my ‘tragic past’ for days on end, as my life hasn’t been the easiest thus far, but I don’t really want to do that. What’s the point, y’know? The important thing is that so far, I have made it through every single one of my worst days, and I intend to continue to do that regardless of what comes my way.
Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know about your work?
Currently, I am a Product Surveillance Analyst for an international pharmaceutical company which I am almost positive I am not legally allowed to mention by name, haha. It’s been a great stepping stone position for me to continue defining and working towards my goals. It wasn’t easy adjusting to employee life after running my own business for three years, though the first few months were tough. I cried a lot because I felt like a failure having lost my business and having to go back to having a boss. Not only had I not been able to adapt to the new condition of the world, but also all of a sudden I no longer owned my time. Although I was happy for him, it was tough for me sometimes to see my former partner with his company booming. I felt even worse, both because of feeling like a failure as well as feeling that resentment towards him that I really didn’t want to feel.
It took me about six months, but I finally realized that it is my calling to be a therapist and help people with mental illness like myself. I applied to multiple graduate programs and began my new journey towards this goal in the fall of 2021. In the long term, I intend to create a brand of group practices to be able to donate my time to young women who cannot afford therapy but need it direly.
So yeah, currently work for big pharma to pay for my master’s degree so I can help people with mental illness have the best quality of life they can possibly afford themselves. Mental health and the study of mental illness is my passion, I mean I read the DSM-5 for fun, haha. I am excited to graduate in Summer of 2023 and be able to start my professional journey in this new field.
What was your favorite childhood memory?
Oh, that one’s EASY! So a little context… In Mexico, there is a very common type of business that is a party venue that caters to children’s birthday parties; imagine like Chuck E. Cheese but without all the other people and just your friends and family, and the birthday kid’s parents already paid for everything. Now add some sort of show like a clown or magician, or more often than anything, a sort of children’s theatre show depicting a short version of a Disney classic movie and allowing the kids to comment and intervene in the storyline. That’s a dope children’s party in Mexico. So there we were, on the morning of my 8th birthday; dad had come to visit for a few days, and I was dressed in a Disney princess outfit. That particular year I had been all about the movie Tarzan. Consequently, my mom made me a little Jane outfit to wear on my birthday. My mom loved (actually loves, to this day!) to make me outfits for all sorts of occasions. Every birthday since my 4th, she dressed me as a different Disney princess in outfits she would make for me herself. I loved them so much, and I loved my birthday because I would look forward to being a princess for a day. On my 4th birthday I was a tiny Snow White. On my 5th, Esmeralda from the Hunchback of Notre Dame, 6th Megara from Hercules, 7th Cinderella, and 8th the adventurous Jane. Since we never really had much money, it was truly an effort for my parents to throw me a party at one of those cool venues. That particular year, one of my mom’s friend’s kids was celebrating his birthday on my actual birthday. Not only was this dumb kid taking over my actual birthday with his cool party, but my mom was making me go to it at one of those cool venues. One that I had particularly liked and begged for a few months before. Needless to say, it wasn’t financially feasible for our family, so I had to suck it up, be a good sport, and just enjoy the party. At least I got to be Jane. I bet he didn’t even have a costume. So sure enough, we pull up and make our way to the doors. The place looked packed and there were balloons everywhere. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all. My dad opened the door, and we walked in;
“SURPRISE!!!” a bunch of people huddled around the door yelled as we walked through. I slowly began to realize that it was all my friends and family. My WHOLE family, all my friends from school, my neighbors, my mom’s friends kids who were kind of my friends because we had to be but that was cool because whatever, and everything, I mean EVERYTHING was decorated with Tarzan and jungle-themed stuff. I was in kid heaven, and all my favorite people were there too.
It was so amazing to have that surprise from my parents. To this day, I still don’t know how they pulled it off as this venue was particularly expensive, not to mention decorations and the show. I love surprises. Since then, that has been the only surprise party I have received, so I love dropping the idea any chance I get HEY! If any of my friends are actually reading this, I LIKE SURPRISE PARTIES!! Someone tell my boyfriend. But yeah. That is definitely my absolute favorite childhood memory.
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