Today we’d like to introduce you to Julie Damian.
Hi Julie, we’re thrilled to have a chance to learn your story today. So, before we get into specifics, maybe you can briefly walk us through how you got to where you are today?
On March 22, 2018, my whole life changed. Irrevocably. When a person becomes a mother or father, they never consider the possibility that their child may die (unless you have had a child die already). You bring this perfect, wonderful being into the world and are focused on the possibilities, promises, hopes, and dreams for the future. It is said, “the days are long and the years are short”. There are moments as a parent that you don’t think you will last the whole day because your child(ren) are driving you crazy! You wish for a moment of peace and quiet. A moment without so many responsibilities and people needing you. You think you are tired. I was this parent until March 22, 2018 when my whole world stopped, titled, shattered. I have spent the last three years trying to find the fragments and piece them back together again. I will never be the same. People say all the time, “ I couldn’t survive the death of my child.” I didn’t. The old me is gone. I have replaced her. I am stronger yet softer. I am broken yet filled with understanding that only the broken can know. I have come to understand that grief is love. It is a pure, brilliant, and blinding love. Grief is every moment, memory, emotion, and milestone missed and experienced with your child. There is no term for a grieving parent (or grieving sibling). A wife becomes a widow. A child an orphan. The loss of a child is so horrible no word can define it.
Kade was my middle son. We have all boys. He would have been three years old one month after his death. He was so excited about having a birthday party! I don’t remember if he ever said what he wanted, he just talked about who he wanted to invite to his party. Kade loved to play! He was inquisitive, helpful, willful, and curious. He was handsome with big soulful brown eyes, curly hair, and his hand fit perfectly into mine. His hugs were like warm rays of sunshine! He lived all of his 1065 days with us to the fullest. He died playing. Kade tried to climb the neighbor’s fence after school on March 22nd. His neck and head became trapped between the open pickets at the top of the wrought iron fence. The bottom horizontal bar provided a foothold to boost him up and the top horizontal bar aided in pulling himself up farther. Once his head and neck got caught between the pickets, his feet went out from under him. The picket put pressure on the carotid artery in his neck and he went to sleep and never woke back up. 5 minutes from snack in the house after school to 911 call. I remember arriving at the hospital. An officer drove me after I had made sure my youngest and oldest were safe with neighbors. I spent the whole ride numb. I couldn’t think or feel anything. I had told my oldest that Kade had to go to the hospital, my oldest had gone to a friend’s house right after they finished snack. He later told me he thought Kade had broken an arm so something like that. He wondered why the police cars, ambulance, and fire trucks were all there. I don’t remember anything other than the back of the ambulance as it drove away without me. My baby inside. When I arrived at the hospital the looks told me before anyone spoke to me or my husband. My head knew what to this day, my heart does not want to know. Kade was pronounced dead just after 5 pm. I have heard of mothers holding their child and loving them back to life. That’s all I wanted to do. Hold Kade. I never got too.
No mother or father should ever have to sit in a room and select a casket for their child. Decide if he will be buried or cremated. Have to tell his siblings that their brother is not coming home, ever. Kade would have turned six years old this year. He should have just graduated from Kindergarten. He would have played t-ball this year. Our family is healing. My husband and I are learning to move forward carrying our love and grief. Being a parent to 3 wonderful boys here and now while grieving one in Heaven is the hardest thing I have ever been asked to do. I work every day to try to accomplish it with love, grace, and compassion. Some days I do better than others.
Right after Kade died, I decided I wanted to build a playground in our neighborhood in his memory. We moved to our neighborhood about eight months before Kade died. We traded the playground and park that was right down the street from our old house for a nice big yard at the new house. I had actually talked with another mother about the lack of a playground before Kade died. We discussed talking with the Parks & Rec department. However, I had just moved, was teaching music classes, and raising three boys, two of them under the age of three. The idea of a playground went on the back burner. Until Kade died. Before his funeral, I called the Georgetown Parks and Rec department and proposed my idea. Much to my surprise, the parks and rec director took my call right away and started to work with me on my idea for a playground honoring Kade.
Little did I know what that request would turn into! Three years later, I have established a non-profit called The Playful Child, worked with the City Parks & Rec department and City Council to have over 6 acres of land dedicated for the park and play space, learned to run an effective organization, recruited dedicated and hardworking board members and volunteers, coordinated events, found a park design team to bring my unique vision for The Kade Damian Healing Hearts Park to life, and raised about $100,000 for the project! All of this while raising two grieving boys, being married to a State Trooper, living through COVID- 19, homeschooling my boys during the past school year, advocating for fence safety and code changes in cities around Georgetown, TX, and having a baby! Whew! What was I thinking?!
There have been many moments when I thought about quitting. However, there is always a moment when I am nudged toward a solution, a sign. We recently took a walk along the trail at the park site. A young red cardinal flew along beside us for most of the walk. In a planning meeting the other day, an email came through on the big screen with the from line saying it was from a person named Cade. During the past summer when I thought COVID had ruined everything, I received a very large donation and a future board member contacted me saying several businesses from her project had also donated! When one door closes, another opens. The Playful Child is a work of heart. I have watched my own boys heal and grow through play. Unstructured, open ended play. Being in nature. Taking walks. Running in the rain. Riding a bike. Playing catch, chase, and building forts with the neighbors. All of these things have brought laughter and noise back to our home. Smiles back to our boys. Play heals. I have seen it in my own home with my own boys and family.
All of my boys love to play! Play and learning are one and the same. Deep, life-long learning is accomplished through play. Friendships are established through play. Communication, negotiation, conflict resolution skills are all built while playing. The goal of The Playful Child is to educate parents and communities about the importance of play in healthy mental and physical development while also providing a place for grief to be held gently and witnessed fully. Our society does not like to talk about death. Yet it is all around. So many people are grieving and do not feel comfortable sharing their pain. For me, sharing my story. Sharing about Kade has helped me heal. I think one of a grieving parent’s biggest fears is that our child will be forgotten. By others, but also by us. I can’t remember things I wish I could. Kade had a unique, wonderful laugh. I know he did, but I can’t hear it anymore in my memory. The Kade Damian Healing Hearts Park provides a place for the living to play, make memories, friendships, and come together as a community. It also provides a place for the grieving to remember and honor the special children who live on in our hearts and memories. The park also is being designed to encourage open ended play in a more natural setting. Most playscapes provide “scripted” opportunities for play. A child can go up the steps and down the slide. What we are working to design is a park that offers visitors new experiences every time they visit. A blend of natural elements, play features, open space, memorials, trails, and nature.
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
When I asked about building a playground in memory of Kade, I did not expect to have to start a nonprofit first. This has been a huge learning curve. I did not know the price tag, Cost is estimated to be 1.5 million. I have never seen that much money and a teacher and police officer do not make that kind of money or really know people capable of donating it either. Nothing about being a parent is a smooth road. Being a grieving parent adds all new hurdles. Board members have come and gone when they realized the workload, people make promises they will not keep, construction costs always rise. A worldwide pandemic. See my last response for more information about the struggles.
Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?
Growing up, I was surrounded by teachers, so was my husband. I did not want to be one. Guess what, I became one. First in high school as a communication and debate teacher. Then I moved to Kindergarten. Then I decided to stay at home with my growing family and taught pre-school music and movement classes. I have always enjoyed event planning and writing and did several internships in these fields as well. All of these experiences have led to The Playful Child. The Playful Child’s mission is that we nurture the mental and physical health of children and families by cultivating the healing value of unstructured play in our community. Play is essential to healthy child development. It keeps everyone healthy and young. Yet, as a society we are doing less and less of it. The Playful Child wants to heal hearts and build stronger communities through play.
What are your plans for the future?
In January, after much consideration our family added a new baby boy to the mix! We are all in love. I plan to continue working to break ground and build The Kade Damian Healing Hearts Park. We want to break ground on phase 1 in 2022. The timeline is very dependent on raising the 1.5 million. I am also working to raise awareness about the dangers of low-exposed picket fencing. The City of Lakeway banned this type of fencing in 2019. Many HOAs have followed. I am currently working with the City of Austin on similar changes in honor of Kade.
Contact Info:
- Email: julie@theplayfulchild.org
- Website: www.theplayfulchild.org; www.kadeskrusaders.org
- Instagram: @theplayfulchildgtx @kadeskrusaders
- Facebook: @theplayfulchild @kadedamian
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrCJNng5SNASRJn5bB3XB9w,
