Today we’d like to introduce you to Ken Blackman.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and insight with our readers. To kick things off, how did you get started?
Picture a young software engineer at Apple in the 1990s—smart, successful, nerdy, emotionally backward, lonely, and inept regarding intimacy and relationships. That was me. As I entered my 30s, the loneliness became unbearable. I did everything I could to grow. Read all the books, hired the best coaches and mentors I could find, worked with a therapist, took classes and workshops, and even lived in a sex commune. It was quite a journey. Some of it was healing, some was wild, some was confidence-building, and some was toxic. But all of it was necessary. I developed a real sense of the components of a healthy, fulfilling, long-lasting intimate relationship. It was so life-transforming that I decided to leave my career to teach and coach what I was learning. Human connection is a nutrient, and I wanted others to experience it. I’m in my 24th year as a full-time relationship and intimacy coach.
We all face challenges, but would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
You teach best what you had to learn the hard way, right? When I was young, I was musically gifted. I was a working musician before I was a programmer. But I remember being a terrible music tutor. It came too naturally to me. You could say I didn’t know how not to know how to be good at it. And to teach something, you have to know what it’s like not to be good at it. Having a great marriage, that took a lifetime of hard work for me to learn how to do well. In my 20s, I was a walking encyclopedia of how a guy can be bad with the opposite sex. I was codependent, whiney, needy, had low self-esteem, and was bad in bed. Have you ever heard of “nice guy syndrome?” I managed to be chauvinistic, misogynistic, and have “nice guy syndrome” at the same time. I needed to dismantle many false beliefs about women, but I also had a lot of false beliefs about myself that were just as much the problem. I think most people have false beliefs about themselves that can stand in the way of creating a fantastic marriage or relationship.
We’ve been impressed with Sovereignty In Connection LLC, but for folks who might need to be more familiar, what can you share with them about what you do and what sets you apart from others?
My wife and I have our different brands at kenblackman.com and myrightness.com. I primarily work with couples, and she mainly works with women on empowerment and inner rightness. And we often work together. But the bigger umbrella is this idea of sovereignty in connection; that’s the basis of our work, and both our businesses operate under one LLC. Most couples argue about what the relationship “should” look like or how their partner does or doesn’t live up to their expectations. But that’s different from how it works. The very best relationships—the happiest couples, the most profoundly fulfilling moments—aren’t the realization of an expectation. They’re a total surprise, mind-blowing; I didn’t see that coming and didn’t even know that was possible. Real relating with a real human being can far surpass the fairytale we bought into or any of our preconceptions. So I help couples get into that territory. How do you have an extraordinary partnership? How do you have a gourmet love life? How do you do life together and have it get progressively better year after year?
What do you like best about our city? What do you like least?
Austin is like the best of multiple worlds. It’s got city life and also plenty of parks and greenery. It’s progressive and also has a good dose of Southern hospitality. I lived in California for a while, and it’s got a veneer of pretty polish on top of superficiality and self-centeredness. People here are both more real and, at the same time, more friendly. The food scene here is great, in some ways better than Cali. The Austin vibe reminds me a little of Berkeley, CA, as I remember it as a child. My dislikes are more about the state than the city. Some neighborhoods have a lot of mailboxes, and some have almost none for miles around, and it’s easy to guess the reason for that.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://medium.com/straight-talkers
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kenblackmancoach/
- Other: https://kenblackman.com
