We’re looking forward to introducing you to Madison Kirksey. Check out our conversation below.
Madison, really appreciate you sharing your stories and insights with us. The world would have so much more understanding and empathy if we all were a bit more open about our stories and how they have helped shaped our journey and worldview. Let’s jump in with a fun one: What’s more important to you—intelligence, energy, or integrity?
This is an easy answer for me: integrity. Someone could have all the intelligence in the world or boundless energy, but if you can’t trust them to use those qualities in a way that aligns with your shared values, what good are they?
As humans, I believe it’s crucial for us to share a baseline understanding of what’s good, true, and beautiful. Without that common ground, there’s no real accountability for behavior that crosses the line—and without accountability, you can’t build the trust necessary for meaningful relationships or constructive collaboration. Whether it’s in marriage, business, or friendship, integrity is the foundation everything else is built on. Intelligence and energy are amazing accelerators, but integrity is what keeps you moving in the right direction.
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I’m Madison Kirksey, author of The Heart Reset: A Woman’s Guide to Healing and Finding Extraordinary Love After Divorce. I’m an Air Force veteran who served as a Chinese linguist and intelligence analyst for the NSA, including a combat tour in Afghanistan. When I left the military, I found myself navigating single motherhood and divorce after discovering years of infidelity. Here’s what I learned: the skills that kept me alive in a war zone couldn’t protect me from betrayal at home. My greatest transformation wouldn’t come from my military training, but from learning how to truly heal a broken heart.
What makes The Heart Reset different is that it’s not another “love yourself” platitude book. I come from an intelligence analysis background, so I approach healing the way I approached complex problems in the military. Strategically, systematically, and with a focus on what actually gets results. But I write like your best friend, not a clinical therapist. I’ve lived through the crying-on-the-bathroom-floor moments, the co-parenting battles, the fear of never finding love again, and I came out the other side stronger, remarried, and living a life I once thought was impossible.
I took everything I learned from therapy, from my own mistakes, from helping close friends through their divorces, and broke it down into a clear, actionable system for healing. Today, I live here in Austin with my husband Chris and our three children. My mission? Help women stop settling for less than they deserve and start building extraordinary relationships, starting with the one they have with themselves.
Okay, so here’s a deep one: What was your earliest memory of feeling powerful?
My first real taste of power came from my first entrepreneurial success. Shortly after becoming a single mom, I needed to figure out a way to support myself and my 9-month-old without giving up the precious time I had with him. After leaving the military, I knew the 9-5 life wasn’t for me. I reached out to an old friend who had started his own online business for advice, and he invited me to a business conference where I stumbled upon the idea for home share management.
The basic concept was running Airbnbs full time, but here’s the trick. I couldn’t afford to buy a property, so I had to lease apartments with permission from the owners to run them as short-term rentals. I took this idea home and with my last $5,000 in savings, I landed my first unit in downtown San Jose. The beauty of this business model was that after the apartment was furnished and listed on Airbnb, it was basically automated. Bookings, check-ins, cleaning, turnover, all of it ran without me having to be physically present.
I had done it. I set out to find a way to earn income without sacrificing time with my young son, and I’d achieved that goal. I wound up running this business for almost three years and managed four properties over that time. The feeling of building something from nothing, of proving to myself that I could create financial stability on my own terms, that was power. And that old friend who invited me to the conference? I married him. Turns out he gave me more than just a business idea.
Was there ever a time you almost gave up?
It’s taken me years to be able to even talk about this, but I tried to tap out of this life at 23. I was a victim of sexual assault during my military service, and this event sent me on a years-long spiral of pain and self-destruction. That all came to a head in 2013 when I decided I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. But God had other plans for me.
I remember opening my eyes, unable to move or take a breath. I could feel the life leaving my body. In that moment, I realized I wanted to live. I called out to God, begging to live, and miraculously, I took a breath. The journey that followed that moment of decision was not narrow or easy. But ever since then, I’ve never forgotten what I learned. Life is a precious gift, not to be taken lightly. Because of the second chance I was given, I was going to make the absolute most of it. Every struggle since then, every moment of despair during my divorce, I’ve held onto that truth. I chose to live then. And I choose to live well now.
Alright, so if you are open to it, let’s explore some philosophical questions that touch on your values and worldview. What’s a belief you used to hold tightly but now think was naive or wrong?
I used to have a very simplistic view of other people and why they do what they do. For example, for most of my early adulthood, I really thought my mom was a truly bad person who intentionally hurt and abused me as a child because she was “evil.” I also took this view of my ex-husband early on in our divorce. He was a cheater, a liar, and by all accounts, just a fundamentally wrong and bad person.
What I’ve come to learn as a result of the healing process I’ve been through is that most people aren’t all good or all bad. Things usually aren’t that black and white and easy to divide and diagnose. In my mom’s case, I came to see her as a person who really lacked the emotional ability to be a nurturing mom because she herself never experienced that. With my cheating ex, I realized he was never able to be honest with me because he was never courageous enough to be honest with himself.
Now when I encounter people the world would dismiss as “abusive” or “narcissistic,” I see those traits for what they really are. Not the signs of a deeply evil person, but rather the symptoms of deep inner turmoil and trauma. The point of this new perspective, however, isn’t to give permission to broken people to go around hurting everyone. It’s to release myself from the victimhood that kept me trapped in anger and resentment. I forgive my mother. I forgive my ex. That’s for me, not for them. Furthermore, I thank them for teaching me my role and responsibility in setting clear boundaries for myself and deciding intentionally who to permit in my life and who to keep at arm’s length. This awareness is incredibly empowering because it frees me from the trap of seeing everyone who makes mistakes as a boogeyman. We all have our demons to battle.
Thank you so much for all of your openness so far. Maybe we can close with a future oriented question. When do you feel most at peace?
I feel most at peace when I remember my place in the order of things. As a mother and wife, at times those roles can feel weighty, like every interaction and decision matters to the highest degree. The pressure can build fast. But as a believer, when I take the time to remember who’s truly in charge of it all, that pressure melts away. I see evidence of this divine providence everywhere. When I look back at all the pain, all the moments I thought were missteps, I can see how those so-called mistakes were actually leading me to exactly where I needed to be. When I can recognize my inability to mess with God’s plan, I realize all I need to do is live and learn. The suicide attempt that saved my life. The divorce that led me to my husband. The rock bottom that became my foundation. None of it was wasted.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://a.co/d/gr6ET3s
- Instagram: @citizenmadison
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theheartresetbook/
- Youtube: https://youtu.be/7BMQda8Y1Bs?si=OAb-aQ9zBDNTHYPk
