Today we’d like to introduce you to TessRiley Warren.
Hi TessRiley, so excited to have you with us today. What can you tell us about your story?
I am a Texas native, and have lived anywhere from in the sticks on a ranch out west to the heart of the Dallas metroplex. Living in a diverse number of places in Texas truly shaped me, and allowed me to find the middle ground between living off the land and appreciating the energy that a large city gives you. I had a rather rough upbringing, a broken home, parents that were either completely hands off or over the top controlling and not much in between. I spent a few years in a group home/ juvenile detention center when neither parent felt equip to raise me. As challenging as that was, I found my voice and grew a strong backbone and fostered resilience. But despite my personal growth at this facility, it wasn’t healthy for me to stay, so I made a narrow escape. Upon re-entering the public school system I found trouble all on my own. Whether it was negligence, a lack of education, or the allure of the taboo, I became pregnant at 17. This is where my whole story changed. I felt all my life I had no control over my circumstances and the outcome was always in the hands of adults around me. But at this moment, my body and this baby felt like a road I walked alone. So after some deep contemplation and shared wisdom, I leaned into the open adoption option. Flash forward 13 years and my son is one of my favorite people in the world! It’s certainly not customary to choose adoption but after my difficult childhood, I thought, “here’s a chance to gift someone with a real chance.” Despite how badly I have always wanted to parent I knew a child shouldn’t raise a child. So I broke the cycle and tried out the selfless card. I can say with certainty that this was the best decision of my life. I can’t say it often happens to look over your shoulder at your choices and have one that you have no doubt about. That’s my son and our bountiful, beautiful, blended family! I hand-stitched these sweet people my life and made my first ever true Framily. Friends but also family. But despite the story of valor it was still difficult. Pregnancy has its way of romancing you as a kid, you don’t really understand the true implications that follow. So my provess- well it was a wake up call. After all the dust settled and I was entering into my young adulthood I realized no one was going to do it so I decided to educate myself on my body, and sexual health. Now it’s a huge passion of mine to share what I learned the hard way and continue to educate myself and my community. Whether it’s just sharing resources, talking openly and positively about s*x, finding free health clinics, being an ally for folks who have fear and trauma around it, and changing the nature of the subject from shame to empowerment. I have also taken my missed chance at parenting and directed it toward the youth in my community. For several years I worked with the organization Big Brothers Big Sisters and got paired with a young lady. For many years we spent one day a week together, learning and sharing experiences. it was really rewarding! I also have for years been working with summer camps as a counselor, specifically with horses. Horses are one of my biggest passions coupled with children I felt that there was a special place for me to be the teacher but also the student. Horses and children both have a unique way of checking your ego and teaching you something new about yourself or the world around you. It all snowballed and I made a career of working with children and horses in many settings. Most recently I was volunteering at a nonprofit ranch outside of Austin with disabled people of all ages. I still feel passionate about it to this day, but in order to not burn out, you must change the direction you aim your energy from time to time. I noticed in myself that one of the best qualities from my horsemanship life was my confidence. It does take a lot of confidence to approach a thousand-pound animal and attempt to befriend it. I have channeled that energy through other avenues in my life. But in my later mid-adulthood I got a reputation for my outspoken nature, particularly in the dating department. Especially as a woman, sticking up for yourself and or asking for what you want has not necessarily been taught, encouraged or rewarded. Living in Austin has expanded my opportunity to attract like-minded friends who appreciate that sort of behavior. So after living here on and off for a handful of years, I have surrounded myself with people who understand the power and importance of finding your voice. I started really honing in on this skill set by attending workshops, classes, and organizations that brings communicators together. I emerged myself in the literature that focused on self-help, attachment styles, nonviolent communication, etc. Engaged in the community once or twice a week in authentic relating game nights and circling. I found myself drawn to nonverbal forms of this as well, like ecstatic dance, acro yoga and social rides and roller skating. All require a bit of confidence to even show up to something new… knowing NO ONE and being vulnerable. As time passed on, I found myself to be that friend that folks would seek out for advice, the wordsmith of the group. I enjoyed sharing my perspective, and with a gift for Gab, I had no lack of words to give. But one evening a friend told me she thought “What would Tessriley do in this situation?” as she tried to navigate approaching and potentially asking someone out. So she pulled from a strong core energy and went for it. and my other friend looked over and said in a hilarious tone, “you should charge for that” *QUE FOR LIGHT BULB I thought about confidence coaching and how fun that could be. if you have a gift that comes naturally aren’t you inclined to share it and bring you joy? Enough joy that you may even be as bold to choose to pursue it as more than a passion project. That was the beginning of Lightning Bold Confidence Coaching. Based on supply and demand, it quickly turned into primarily dating coaching, with a few sides of coaching in other departments. I thoroughly enjoy this work and hope for it to be a lifelong journey. With the unforeseeable pandemic and the whole course of our lives being thrown off, meeting with strangers, intimacy and so much more came to a hault. So I found a stable job in the meantime while I continue to build my name as a coach in the community. Currently, I manage a unique woman-owned/ queer space/ BIPOC ally / LGBTQ safe shop in Austin proper. I’ve been getting tattoos for over 15 years and am loving learning about the other side of it. It still lets me use my skills while developing new ones. <3 That’s me in an acorn shell.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
Nah, of course not. Hate to sound cheesy but there’s a quote “nothing good in this world comes easy.” And I am of the ideology that trauma can be transformed. And difficulty can be strengthenrning and the trials and tribulations can be an adventure. Look, I’m not an optimist, I swear but I am a realist. And we all know that life would be boring if it was all roses. And we don’t get to choose our path or our struggles all the time. But I like to think of it like, here’s a metaphor. When you work out and exercise your physical body, what you’re at times doing is tearing the muscle, tiny little rips. Your body goes into repair and it builds over it something stronger and bigger. It’s a process of identifying the rip, wanting to rebuilding, and fixing yourself up to be healthy. It’s a perfect example of emotional growth too. I know that having the space and time to focus on that side of survival is a privilege, so I am happy to be here but I know that I am also lucky to be able to find time to love myself.
Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?
Well, this may sound random and rather unusual.. but I am proud of a skill set or interest that vie been working on for some time. Started as just innocent fun but if I am being honest and transparent when I say that dance/ fire spinning/flow art is something vie been honing for a good handful of years and comes naturally to me. it’s an expression where I completely become lost. I am almost possessed, haha the good kind. it’s pretty beautiful to let music bend your body and be able to completely surrender to it. Of course, when fire gets involved its more lucid, practices, technical and methodical but that in itself is also cool. it’s a craft that requires innate work but also skill and the tools used lots of practice. humble brag, but I have been pulled out of crowds at shows for some of my favorite artists and been asked to jump on stage and let my dancing loose. it’s an honor to be seen and recognized for something that feels so natural and healthy for me. an outlet that harms no one but is so healthy and wonderful for me. I hope to do it till literally, I can’t stand as an old whipper snapper
What would you say has been one of the most important lessons you’ve learned?
There are four things; don’t take things personal, don’t assume, be impeccable with your word, and lastly, always do your best! -Mr. Ruiz
Contact Info:
Image Credits
@heyjinnij
@urzulka
@softalters
@gansitoo
